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Medical Director
Women's Health & Breast Center at St. Francis
Federal Way, Washington
I want to have another child using a donor. What steps do I need to take in order to make this happen? What type of doctor should I make an appointment with?
You should see your gynecologist or a specialist in reproductive endocrinology and infertility (REI). Reproductive endocrinologists see people with infertility of many types and will have all the resources for you to arrange for a safe donor experience. In many communities, gynecologists who are not subspecialists in this area are also quite interested in helping infertility patients and will have all the information available through their offices. A quick phone call should establish whether your current provider has this expertise. If not, he or she should be able to guide you to the best REI practice in your area.
My husband has Parkinson’s disease and is now unable to make love, in part because of the disease and also his medications. This is a little frustrating for me but makes him feel like he is less than a man. Any suggestions?
Your husband may respond well to medication to help him achieve erection and sexual function if he is otherwise medically healthy. Sildenafil (Viagra®) and other similar medications (Cialis® and Levitra®) should overcome the negative effects of his medications. More important, however, is your husband’s psyche. Exploring his feelings about his illness and disability—if he is open to this—may help to address his sense of loss and “powerlessness.” I would suggest that you seek a trained therapist who is comfortable addressing both chronic disabling illness and sexual issues. Certified therapists in your area can be found at AASECT.org.
I recently gained weight and my husband told me that my appearance turns him off. What can I do? He turns away from me.
Sexual attraction is a very personal issue and one that cannot be changed easily. I would suggest that you sit down with him, tell him how much you love him and that you want very much to remain attractive to him. I am quite sure that he has changed somewhat since you met and that there are some things about his behavior or appearance that are turn-offs to you as well. The bottom line is that we all change, get saggy, etc. In the context of a loving relationship, those changes needn’t become a big issue. The brain is, indeed, the largest sex organ in the body. When we tell ourselves we are attracted to our mates, it becomes reality. I’m worried that he has other issues in the relationship and is using your weight gain as an excuse. I recommend a sexual therapist/marriage counselor to help you uncover these issues. You can find someone at AASECT.org.
Why does a woman’s sex drive peak after 40, while a man’s peak’s much younger?
I can’t begin to try to explain Mother Nature, however, I would say that men spend much more time and energy exploring their sexuality as young adolescents than women tend to do. We learn about our bodies and begin to experience pleasure as we mature. There is no question that the sexual behaviors that are usually fulfilling for women require more time and commitment than “young” sex usually provides. Men, on the other hand, can be quite satisfied with “quickies.”
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with Barbara Levy, MD
